We're not in Kansas anymore, vegetarians! All our bases are covered! Heck yeah!
That's just, like, your opinion, man.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Denny's: the Cream of Insane America
So the musical is over, we're all celebrating at Denny's. I know, it's paradoxical. And all I can think is: WHY?
We're not in Kansas anymore, vegetarians! All our bases are covered! Heck yeah!
We're not in Kansas anymore, vegetarians! All our bases are covered! Heck yeah!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
WWW Day 6
EXTREME IRONING
www.extremeironing.com
This one's actually kind of beast, I'm not going to lie...
Its fans are dedicated to ironing shirts in awesome places:
Here are a few of my favorites.
Pretty sweet, right?
www.extremeironing.com
This one's actually kind of beast, I'm not going to lie...
Its fans are dedicated to ironing shirts in awesome places:
Here are a few of my favorites.
Pretty sweet, right?
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
WWW Day 5
BILLMONK
www.billmonk.com
Just go to this site. It's clearly very useful to those who can type but can't write with a pen and paper.
www.billmonk.com
Just go to this site. It's clearly very useful to those who can type but can't write with a pen and paper.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
WWW Day 4
THE SECRET OF INVISIBILITY
http://www.thesecretofinvisibility.com/
(Warning: there are a few risque stock photos on this site.)
Here our dreams collide with reality: For a slick $35, you too can learn to become invisible.
People have "Literally died" for this $35 secret.
As much as I want to keep this blog as original as possible, I found a satire better than my own on True-Magic.com:
"Invisibility: one of the most highly sought-after Lost Arts. The secret was recently rediscovered by an elite troupe of ninja contortionists. The concept is simple, yet the execution takes years of dedicated practice to perfect.
First, one must obscure one's face with one's hands. The face will be hidden, but the hands will be exposed. Therefore, the next logical step is to find a way to cover the hands — which, of course, are sill covering the face. This can be accomplished in a number of ways, but the most convenient is to move one leg up in front of one's head. The process continues, progressing step-by-step until the ultimate goal is reached: each part of one's body is obscured from view by another. Thus: invisibility.
Once in the correct position, one must simply roll to whatever location one desires."
Priceless.
Stay tuned for more.
http://www.thesecretofinvisibility.com/
(Warning: there are a few risque stock photos on this site.)
Here our dreams collide with reality: For a slick $35, you too can learn to become invisible.
People have "Literally died" for this $35 secret.
As much as I want to keep this blog as original as possible, I found a satire better than my own on True-Magic.com:
"Invisibility: one of the most highly sought-after Lost Arts. The secret was recently rediscovered by an elite troupe of ninja contortionists. The concept is simple, yet the execution takes years of dedicated practice to perfect.
First, one must obscure one's face with one's hands. The face will be hidden, but the hands will be exposed. Therefore, the next logical step is to find a way to cover the hands — which, of course, are sill covering the face. This can be accomplished in a number of ways, but the most convenient is to move one leg up in front of one's head. The process continues, progressing step-by-step until the ultimate goal is reached: each part of one's body is obscured from view by another. Thus: invisibility.
Once in the correct position, one must simply roll to whatever location one desires."
Priceless.
Stay tuned for more.
Monday, April 25, 2011
WWW Day 3
I'm glad I found this one.
Www.familyradio.org
The entire point of this website seems to be that the end of the world is coming on May 21. This happens to be right before finals week.
"Hope you guys studied, cause this one's a doozy--"
Don't we all wish.
Here's the reasoning behind the prediction:
1. To God, a day is a thousand years.
2. God said somewhere that mankind has seven days to escape destruction.
3. We have pinpointed the date of this warning to 4490 b.c.
4. The numbers don't lie! The end is May 21!
Yeah...
They put an ad in Reader's Digest that they made using Microsoft Word, but their website appears to have no funding. Which makes me wonder why they bother, because it's been there for years and they're wrong every year. I reckon they're atheists in disguise trying to make conservative Christians look like fools.
Because we need help with that.
I encourage you all to check the website on May 22. They will either have updated the date like nothing happened or you will see a wrench logo with the words "temporarily down for ego maintenance". Who knows, maybe they're serious.
P.S. Feel free to recommend my blog to your friends and kinfolk; I've decided to broaden my audience from my current nine followers. I have faith in you guys. Thanks for reading!
Www.familyradio.org
The entire point of this website seems to be that the end of the world is coming on May 21. This happens to be right before finals week.
"Hope you guys studied, cause this one's a doozy--"
Don't we all wish.
Here's the reasoning behind the prediction:
1. To God, a day is a thousand years.
2. God said somewhere that mankind has seven days to escape destruction.
3. We have pinpointed the date of this warning to 4490 b.c.
4. The numbers don't lie! The end is May 21!
Yeah...
They put an ad in Reader's Digest that they made using Microsoft Word, but their website appears to have no funding. Which makes me wonder why they bother, because it's been there for years and they're wrong every year. I reckon they're atheists in disguise trying to make conservative Christians look like fools.
Because we need help with that.
I encourage you all to check the website on May 22. They will either have updated the date like nothing happened or you will see a wrench logo with the words "temporarily down for ego maintenance". Who knows, maybe they're serious.
P.S. Feel free to recommend my blog to your friends and kinfolk; I've decided to broaden my audience from my current nine followers. I have faith in you guys. Thanks for reading!
WWW Day 2
This website strikes me as juvenile for several reasons:
http://www.anus.com/
ANUS (AMERICAN NIHILIST UNDERGROUND SOCIETY)
1. The Obvious.
2. These are nihilists. They don't believe in anything. So what's the point of having a website?
3. Their forum is dedicated entirely to death-metal.
My favorite band names:
Abomination
Anarchus
Angelcorpse
Behemoth
Black Funeral
Chronical Diarrhoea
Dead Brain Cells
Fearless Iranians From Hell
Gorguts
Hellhammer
Impaled Nazarene
Napalm Death
Vader
Witchfinder General
And, of course, Zyklon-B.
4. The Unabomber is listed as one of the site's "heroes".
This website really shows what happens when you take your individuality far too seriously. If they could, these guys would stop breathing because it's a social norm.
http://www.anus.com/
ANUS (AMERICAN NIHILIST UNDERGROUND SOCIETY)
1. The Obvious.
2. These are nihilists. They don't believe in anything. So what's the point of having a website?
3. Their forum is dedicated entirely to death-metal.
My favorite band names:
Abomination
Anarchus
Angelcorpse
Behemoth
Black Funeral
Chronical Diarrhoea
Dead Brain Cells
Fearless Iranians From Hell
Gorguts
Hellhammer
Impaled Nazarene
Napalm Death
Vader
Witchfinder General
And, of course, Zyklon-B.
4. The Unabomber is listed as one of the site's "heroes".
This website really shows what happens when you take your individuality far too seriously. If they could, these guys would stop breathing because it's a social norm.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Weird Website Week (WWW) Day 1
This week is dedicated to websites that take themselves far too seriously.
QUANTUM JUMPING
This self-help program offers the amazing ability to find the exact parallel universe you wanted by simply sorting through the possibilities.
(This is just page 1.)
Here's the link:
http://www.quantumjumping.com/lp/subconscious?sr=1&sd=dco&gclid=CPSIkLSTsqgCFRpVgwodcUHJBw
The advantages are boundless. You could find "a universe where you are the King of Scotland" or "a tea farmer in China". (I'm not making these up.)
And of course, they have the support of renowned physicist Max Planck:
It's the mustache.
The great thing is, it's online, so you can find your own parallel universe online, maybe one where you can kick like a ninja...
...Or sit around reading some guy's blog. Just imagine!
Stay tuned for more Weird Websites this week!
QUANTUM JUMPING
This self-help program offers the amazing ability to find the exact parallel universe you wanted by simply sorting through the possibilities.
Here's the link:
http://www.quantumjumping.com/lp/subconscious?sr=1&sd=dco&gclid=CPSIkLSTsqgCFRpVgwodcUHJBw
The advantages are boundless. You could find "a universe where you are the King of Scotland" or "a tea farmer in China". (I'm not making these up.)
And of course, they have the support of renowned physicist Max Planck:
It's the mustache.
The great thing is, it's online, so you can find your own parallel universe online, maybe one where you can kick like a ninja...
...Or sit around reading some guy's blog. Just imagine!
Stay tuned for more Weird Websites this week!
Friday, April 22, 2011
The Johnny Cash Project
This is awesome. Johnny Cash fans around the globe have pitched in to make this music video for Johnny Cash's "Ain't No Grave". Contributions are still open, and you can watch the video and vote on frames. The video is different each time you watch it. I even made a contribution on frame #512 (You have to use the in-browser drawing board, else my frame would be a bit sprucier.
Twenty minutes well spent. Check it out here:
http://www.thejohnnycashproject.com
Here's what it looked like back in September 2010:
Rest in Peace
Twenty minutes well spent. Check it out here:
http://www.thejohnnycashproject.com
Here's what it looked like back in September 2010:
Rest in Peace
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Thesis is OVER!
In celebration of over 4800 words of pure hell over and done with...
ummm...
look at this!
Cheesy piano music aside, it's pretty sweet.
ummm...
look at this!
Cheesy piano music aside, it's pretty sweet.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening (Robert Frost)
Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
Robert Frost
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
Robert Frost
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Fitter Happier
The song Fitter Happier by Radiohead is from the album OK Computer.
It features the Microsoft Sam voice speaking with eerie noises in the background. The whole album is eerie in fact. The lyrics are a sardonic picture of what society values in making an upstanding, happy citizen, and is reminiscent of George Orwell's '1984'. Here are the lyrics, but the effect is greater if you just listen to the song. I tried posting it, but the playlist thing is being lame. But you can listen to it here:
http://www.playlist.com/playlist/additem/1450300433
more productive
comfortable
not drinking too much
regular exercise at the gym (3 days a week)
getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries
at ease
eating well (no more microwave dinners and saturated fats)
a patient better driver
a safer car (baby smiling in back seat)
sleeping well (no bad dreams)
no paranoia
careful to all animals (never washing spiders down the plughole)
keep in contact with old friends (enjoy a drink now and then)
will frequently check credit at (moral) bank (hole in wall)
favours for favours
fond but not in love
charity standing orders
on sundays ring road supermarket
(no killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants)
car wash (also on sundays)
no longer afraid of the dark
or midday shadows
nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate
nothing so childish
at a better pace
slower and more calculated
no chance of escape
now self-employed
concerned (but powerless)
an empowered and informed member of society (pragmatism not idealism)
will not cry in public
less chance of illness
tires that grip in the wet (shot of baby strapped in back seat)
a good memory
still cries at a good film
still kisses with saliva
no longer empty and frantic
like a cat
tied to a stick
that's driven into
frozen winter shit (the ability to laugh at weakness)
calm
fitter, healthier and more productive
a pig
in a cage
on antibiotics
One thing I find brilliant is that when he says the thing about the cat, you kind of laugh, and then he says, "the ability to laugh at weakness." Lyrical genius. The rest of the album is actual music; I strongly recommend it.
It features the Microsoft Sam voice speaking with eerie noises in the background. The whole album is eerie in fact. The lyrics are a sardonic picture of what society values in making an upstanding, happy citizen, and is reminiscent of George Orwell's '1984'. Here are the lyrics, but the effect is greater if you just listen to the song. I tried posting it, but the playlist thing is being lame. But you can listen to it here:
http://www.playlist.com/playlist/additem/1450300433
more productive
comfortable
not drinking too much
regular exercise at the gym (3 days a week)
getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries
at ease
eating well (no more microwave dinners and saturated fats)
a patient better driver
a safer car (baby smiling in back seat)
sleeping well (no bad dreams)
no paranoia
careful to all animals (never washing spiders down the plughole)
keep in contact with old friends (enjoy a drink now and then)
will frequently check credit at (moral) bank (hole in wall)
favours for favours
fond but not in love
charity standing orders
on sundays ring road supermarket
(no killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants)
car wash (also on sundays)
no longer afraid of the dark
or midday shadows
nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate
nothing so childish
at a better pace
slower and more calculated
no chance of escape
now self-employed
concerned (but powerless)
an empowered and informed member of society (pragmatism not idealism)
will not cry in public
less chance of illness
tires that grip in the wet (shot of baby strapped in back seat)
a good memory
still cries at a good film
still kisses with saliva
no longer empty and frantic
like a cat
tied to a stick
that's driven into
frozen winter shit (the ability to laugh at weakness)
calm
fitter, healthier and more productive
a pig
in a cage
on antibiotics
One thing I find brilliant is that when he says the thing about the cat, you kind of laugh, and then he says, "the ability to laugh at weakness." Lyrical genius. The rest of the album is actual music; I strongly recommend it.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Favorite things
In penance for using rather hackneyed terms to bash liberals yesterday, here is my list of favorite things. In my opinion it reads very much like a Buddhist Treehugger's Favorites list, so I guess I shouldn't talk.
I tried to make it all-encompassing, but it's still a work in progress.
Sunrises
Sunsets
Gel pens
Starbucks
Hugs
Long hair
British humor
Ben Fulcher
Creme brûlée
The Bagger 288
Black
New Zealand
Vibraphones
Old book smell
Classic American hymns
Ray Bradbury
Megan Wilford's hair
Mountain panoramas
Magnets
Clear starry nights
Deja vu
Sidetracks
Headbanging (autocorrect: 'bearbaiting')
Synchronocity
Laundry detergent (the blue liquid kind)
Cathedrals (flying buttresses especially)
Pipe organs
Johnny Cash
Beeswax smell
Grand pianos
Clouds
Ritz crackers
Deja vu
Burnt gasoline smell ( I think this is a guy thing)
Japanese ink painting
Four-finger chords
Drums
"oo" sounds
Emma Watson
Cherry Blossoms
Red
Epic dreams
Ferrets
Oreos
Romanticism
Book leather
Heights
Thin Mints
42
Great Pyrenees (big happy dogs)
Jack White
D Major
Sunny rain
Black soul worship
More to come... Feel free to comment some of your Favorites below! If you dare...
I tried to make it all-encompassing, but it's still a work in progress.
Sunrises
Sunsets
Gel pens
Starbucks
Hugs
Long hair
British humor
Ben Fulcher
Creme brûlée
The Bagger 288
Black
New Zealand
Vibraphones
Old book smell
Classic American hymns
Ray Bradbury
Megan Wilford's hair
Mountain panoramas
Magnets
Clear starry nights
Deja vu
Sidetracks
Headbanging (autocorrect: 'bearbaiting')
Synchronocity
Laundry detergent (the blue liquid kind)
Cathedrals (flying buttresses especially)
Pipe organs
Johnny Cash
Beeswax smell
Grand pianos
Clouds
Ritz crackers
Deja vu
Burnt gasoline smell ( I think this is a guy thing)
Japanese ink painting
Four-finger chords
Drums
"oo" sounds
Emma Watson
Cherry Blossoms
Red
Epic dreams
Ferrets
Oreos
Romanticism
Book leather
Heights
Thin Mints
42
Great Pyrenees (big happy dogs)
Jack White
D Major
Sunny rain
Black soul worship
More to come... Feel free to comment some of your Favorites below! If you dare...
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Living Alone [screenshot]
This does not surprise me in the least.
Excuses likely include:
"I was learning the language of the trees and flowers."
"I was bust breaking the world record for most self portraits in a year."
"I only just discovered Potter Puppet pals/Nickelback."
Excuses likely include:
"I was learning the language of the trees and flowers."
"I was bust breaking the world record for most self portraits in a year."
"I only just discovered Potter Puppet pals/Nickelback."
Monday, April 11, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Garfield minus Garfield
Here are some highlights from Garfield minus Garfield, a webcomic devoted to removing Garfield from his own comic strips, showing just how weird Jon's life really is.
Ctrl-click if they're too small. I can't tell from my iPod.
Ctrl-click if they're too small. I can't tell from my iPod.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Words that mean the opposite of how they sound
Pulchritudinous
Actually means: beautiful, like Emma Watson or Zooey Deschanel.
Should mean: crusty with hideous warts and boils, like Billy Crystal or PETA.
Gorgeous
Actually means: strikingly beautiful.
Should mean: strikingly evil and ravenous for man-flesh.
Chili
Actually means: A hot, hearty soup.
Should mean: cold slop.
Droll
Actually means: fun enough to get naked.
Should mean: fun enough to play The Apprentice Board Game.
Humorous
Actually means: funny.
Should mean: funny according to very old people in a droll voice.
Inspired by Roddy Lumsden's Vitamin Q
Actually means: beautiful, like Emma Watson or Zooey Deschanel.
Should mean: crusty with hideous warts and boils, like Billy Crystal or PETA.
Gorgeous
Actually means: strikingly beautiful.
Should mean: strikingly evil and ravenous for man-flesh.
Chili
Actually means: A hot, hearty soup.
Should mean: cold slop.
Droll
Actually means: fun enough to get naked.
Should mean: fun enough to play The Apprentice Board Game.
Humorous
Actually means: funny.
Should mean: funny according to very old people in a droll voice.
Inspired by Roddy Lumsden's Vitamin Q
Sunday, April 3, 2011
3 things I learned embarrassingly late
1. "partridge in a pear tree" is not one word.
When I was a kid, I didn't know what the heck a partridge was, so I kinda just mumbled the last part of the song.
2. A fork is held like a pencil, not like a handlebar.
Despite numerous tellings, I still hold my fork like I'm riding a motorcycle.
3. The Wuxi Finger Hold in Kung Fu Panda is the point of the story.
I just thought they were being random, but the Wuxi finger hold is actually the defining point of the movie; the other side of the coin you could say. Its effectiveness centers on the victim's self-doubt, which ultimately destroys him. You can thus see the change in Po from the beginning of the film, where he wallows in self-doubt, to the end where he is in mastery of his own destiny.
When I was a kid, I didn't know what the heck a partridge was, so I kinda just mumbled the last part of the song.
2. A fork is held like a pencil, not like a handlebar.
Despite numerous tellings, I still hold my fork like I'm riding a motorcycle.
3. The Wuxi Finger Hold in Kung Fu Panda is the point of the story.
I just thought they were being random, but the Wuxi finger hold is actually the defining point of the movie; the other side of the coin you could say. Its effectiveness centers on the victim's self-doubt, which ultimately destroys him. You can thus see the change in Po from the beginning of the film, where he wallows in self-doubt, to the end where he is in mastery of his own destiny.
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